Don't you just love his polka dot Vans? When I took this photo, he said, "Don't get my bulge in the picture!"! It was so EMBARASSING but funny!!! He says things like that on purpose. We were in line for the movie (see, there's a rope) and there were these girls behind us that probably heard. Ha ha.
In high school, he was quite the fashionista. One of my favorite outfits was his black suede jacket with fringe on the arms. Ride 'em cowboy! There was also his multi-layered Le Tigre shirts topped off with a Members Only Jacket (wait, this was junior high). In terms of shoes, Astroboi also wore equally interesting footwear to complement his ensembles. He used to wear brothel creepers as well as Doc Martens, with black and white striped socks I must add. My favorite outfit of his was Prom, in which he wore a silver paisley lame (the shiny material, not "lame" as in "shitty) tuxedo with fingerless black lace gloves. It was very Prince. This was, after all, the mid/late 80's! We also used to wear matching black Converse and checkered Vans as well. Some things never change!
Anyways...
See? No "Bulge"!
First of all, my thoughts on "Eclipse"...and if you're not into Twilight or the movies, you may choose to skip this whole post or read on just for shitz 'n giggles.
Laughing all the way to the bank...
What I liked:
Let me start by saying that I saw the movie three times with three different people (Astroboi, TORC and another friend with no blog nickname). I also looked at it from different perspectives: purist (book vs. script), cynic/skeptic, fangirl and the level headed adult chick that I am.
Of the three movie adapations, this was by far the best one. "Best" not meaning it was Oscar worthy but meaning it was pretty faithful to the book and included many crucial scenes which makes the fangirls happy. The movie was dark enough for me but had too much romance for Astroboi. The cinematography was beautiful, almost as nice as the Italy scenes in "New Moon" (they had the same DP). The wardrobe was also better and the acting...well, still slightly better than the first two. But that's not saying much.
Let's not kid ourselves here. As much as I think RPattz is a hot piece of mancandy, his portrayal of emo vegetarian vampire, Edward Cullen pales in comparison to his future roles as the amoral Georges duRoy in Guy de Maupassant's turn of the century tale of power, sex and money...
RPattz sexin' up hot cougar Uma Thurman in "Bel Ami"
Nice!
HAWT = RPattz in 1930's period costume
Okay, now don't hate on the Ron Burgundy'ish suit, but fkg A! He actually rocked that Gucci suit! At first, I thought, what a wierd color choice, but then it grew on me. He really stood out on that black carpet. Loved the skinny tie action too. You know what's even better than RPattz's Blue Steel gaze? Look at the signs in the background. The orange one says, "Hey Rob! My name's Becca and I'm legal now! Take me home with you please!"!!!!! WTF!!! Here's my favorite - the pink sign reads, "I'll help you pitch your tent!"(italics are mine) Down horny fangirls, down!
He is just too pretty for his own good...him and Alexander Skarsgard...
Wait, what was I saying now? Got a little distracted there. Oh yeah, What did I like? The movie had all of the elements of the book that should have been there like the meadow scene, the proposal (with the butt-fkg ugly engagement ring which I obviously dind't like),the Jacob and Bella kiss (the first one where she punches him), the "leg hitch" scene, the tent scene and the battle between the newborns and the vamp/wolf alliance.
"Bella, even though the wood I sport is essentially a rock hard popsicle, please marry me!"
The Vampires
Three words - Major Jasper Whitlock.
Holy Mother Teresa on a flying monkey from the Wizard of Oz. Every movie should have a dirtied up Jackson Rathbone in Civil War garb riding on a horse. Yes ma'am! What an improvement from his constipated and mostly silent persona in the first two films. "Eclipse" goes into Jasper's backstory and we learn how he was turned into a vampire by a woman named Maria and used to create (and destroy) and train newborn vampires.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find the uniform/horse pic so this one will have to do. Despite the broke-ass wig and gold contacts, he's still quite the pretty boy. In real life, he has dark hair and sports a bit o' facial hair. He is also a musician and singer with his band, 100 Monkeys (they're pretty good actually). Currently, he is playing a humorless version of Sokka in the M. Night Shymalan shitfest known as "Avatar - The Last Airbender". That movie should be another post in itself. My daughter the Avatar purist was disappointed (not the James Cameron "Avatar" but the Nickelodeon animated series "Avatar")."
"How many times do we get to graduate?"
The Cullens' yellow contacts were still distracting and they looked a little more normal when their eyes were black ("hungry").
The Wolves
Even though the werewolves didn't have a lot of lines or act too much in their human forms (there's a lot of CGI in here), all I gotta say is, "Hello, there Paul!!! (he's the one on the far right)" Alex Meraz is the only one who doesn't need his abs sprayed on! Those other guys are flabby as shit! They still can't act either.
The wardrobe department, like the wig department didn't have much of budget...
The movie introduces a female werewolf, Leah Clearwater, daughter of Harry Clearwater (who was killed off by bad Vamp Victoria in the 2nd installment; in the book, Harry dies of a heart attack). Inexplicably she turns up in a "tank top" after phasing back from wolf to human. Of course, the movie company couldn't have her be topless. Can't have any free tittay show for the PG-13 crowd. If that's the case, the werewolves should also be jeans-shorts-less. That's what I'd like to see. Here's another funny tidbit, the CGI wolves weren't allowed to have any genitalia. Ha ha. Neutered wolves.
Coming in a close second to Jasper was the introduction of Aussie hottie Xavier Samuel as Riley, the newborn henchman/pawn to Victoria. He figures more prominently in the movie (he's in the opening scene and most of the closing scene) than in the books. In fact, I'd say they intentionally beefed up his character so there could be more "pretty" in the movie. And no, I'm not complaining. One of my favorite lines is when he screams, "What did I tell you guys about keeping a low profile?" as blood crazed newborns pillage and burn things around them. Melodramatic much?
Props to "30 Days of Night" director, David Slade for making this film as dark as it could be for the crappy rating. The newborns looked amazing as they came up slowly out of the water with their freaky red eyes...kinda like zombies but not. There were also a lot of vampire beheadings in which their heads were twisted off and their bodies crack like marble. The colors in the film were spot on, very crisp and clear and supersaturated. One amazing shot was during a scene where Jacob and Bella kiss - there were mountains and water and the reflections were just beautiful.
Here come the Newborns...
OMFG - this was classic. Peter Murphy, the former lead singer of Bauhaus (and the godfather of Goth) made a cameo appearance as "The Cold One". He appears in a flashback scene in which the Quileute elders are recounting the tribe's history because the tribe is descended from wolves. "The Cold One" was a Spanish vampire who killed one of the tribe's shape shifting "spirit warriors".
The photo below is courtesy of Peter Murphy's official site; this was a Twitpic of himself in red contacts, white makeup and wig for his role as "The Cold One". He's already tall and gaunt so I don't think makeup needed to do much with him. He was pretty bad ass in the fifteen seconds he was on film.
One of the last concerts I saw in the early 1990's was Peter Murphy! It was at Symphony Hall and I remember wearing full on black clothes and my pointy black witch shoes for that concert.
What I didn't like:
The "New" Victoria
Summit ditched Rachelle Lefevre for Opie Cunningham's daughter, Bryce Dallas "Lady in the Lake" Howard. Didn't like her snarly toothed performance. And her dimestore Raggedy Ann wig didn't help either. C'mon Summit, you made bajillions from "Twilight" and "New Moon" - couldn't you afford better wigs? Even Taylor Dayne's hair in the "Tell it to My Heart" video looked better than this!
"Why, no my father didn't have to pull strings for me to get this role..."
As for the other characters, Alice still annoys me. If I had rotten tomatoes, I would have viciously thrown them on the screen every time she appeared. Most people really like Alice but I'm so not into her. Well, she DID have a better wardrobe this time around.
Same with the lady who plays the mother. Her forehead is big enough to serve dinner for a party of six. Ummmm, bangs please.
For the Twi-obsessed, I knew that there had been reshoots (cough tent scene cough). You could tell which scenes were the reshoots because Kristen Stewart's hair (Bella) kept changing and so did her eyebrows! There were some ultra-tight close up shots where you couldn't even see the top of her hairline. It was all forehead. Was that to hide the obvious fake wig? During filming, KStew had Joan Jett hair (she'd just finished shooting the biopic, "The Runaways") and that had to be covered up. Again, their budget must have sucked for the wig(s) to look that bad.
They also didn't go into Rosalie's backstory enough about wanting a baby which would explain why she is vehemently against Bella's decision to become a vampire. FAIL. But, I loved her crazed look in her wedding dress as she went to wreak her revenge on her cad fiance. As James
from the first movie would say, it was "visually dynamic"!
Again, while the acting by anyone in this movie isn't going to win any Academy Awards or even a damn Golden Globe for that matter, it was awfully hard not to laugh whenever the wolfboy would speak:
"Hold up...What damn army?"
"Bella, I'm in love with you and I want you to choose me instead of him..."
"I'm barely legal but I still want to you to jump my bones..."
The kid's only 18 (in real life) and one day, years from now, he'll be coming out of the closet. Hey, I'm just sayin'...Gay or not, he's cute in a harmless way.
What was funny:
Any scene with Charlie (Bella's father) - the man and his pornstache stole every scene that he was in. He's kind of a hot pepaw in a redneck sort of way.
"So, are you and Edward, uhhhh..."
Throughout several key points in the movie, Astroboi and I would make various and predominantly vulgar comments. Call us juvenile becase we are. Okay, the comments were mostly from me. We had a hard time keeping in our laughter and probably irritated the people near us.
Like when Bella was scratching Jacob's head (in wolf form), a comment was muttered about a better place in which to scratch him, or when Edward said, "How come he gets to give you a graduation present?" (referring to Bella's wolf charm on her bracelet). "I've got your graduation present right here". Well, it was funny at the time.
One other moment was during the crucial "leg hitch" scene (yes, chapter 18 in the book). So while Edward and Bella were getting it on hot and "almost" heavy in bed (because as readers know, Edward stops it all because he is a prude and a 107 year old virgin), I started murmuring the song, "We don't have to take our...clothes off....to have a good time...oh no!" It took all the strength I had not to break out into snorts of laughter.
Here's the video to help jog your memory of this long lost musical gem/anthem for "abstinence":
Things to ponder
So, if Edward Cullen spent much of the school year in South America, then later in Volterra, Italy (no doubt moping over his breakup with Bella/all this happens in "New Moon" BTW), how was he able to graduate his senior year?
Jessica Stanley as Valedictorian? Really?
Audience reaction
When I watched "Eclipse" with Astroboi, the audience was more "mature" and there were no catcalls, hysterical shrieks or whistles whenever Jacob or the shirtless wolves were on screen. There wasn't screaming either during any Edward scenes or girls whispering "yes" during the proposal scene.
When I watched it with my friend (not TORC), there was a whole group of young girls celebrating a birthday party. In my opinion, as a mother, I wouldn't let MY OWN 9 year old aughter see this movie (due to implied sexual themes and the violence/lots of bloodless beheadings). So everytime there was a "kissing scene" (and there were A LOT; hmm, I see a drinking game coming on when this comes on DVD), there was a lot of whispered "ewwws" and hushed giggling.
And even though there was a lot more action in this film than in "New Moon", it wasn't enough to compensate for what was essentially a moony love triangle and romance movie. So guys that went with their wives/girlfriends or their hags (if they were gay), did you like "Eclipse"? Did you feel there was enough action? I seriously heard someone next to me sigh in boredom at parts...
Bella's character in my opinion, was a fickle bitch who played with Jacob's emotions and only used him as a crutch to fill in the empty void in her life But the teenager in me could still identify with the rush of emotions associated with intense first love...I enjoyed the movie more when I checked in my brain at the door...I still liked the movie better than all three of them. I just wished that RPattz would have shaved those Elvis 'burns though.
The Music (OST and Score)
Lots of Indie bands here like Florence and the Machine, Eastern Conference Champions, The Bravery, and Vampire Weekend. Man, I feel old because I knew who none of them were! Well, I knew of at least three of the musical groups. Of course, they included Muse again (this is really getting old; Muse is playing it smart by selling out because they know that the soundtrack will sell a gazillion units = more $$ for them); the song, "Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever)"is a bombastic and angsty anthem that is really grating to my ears.
Overall, I really liked their song placement, especially the beginning of the movie where they show the Summit logo on a rain spattered window with the strains of The Black Keys' "Chop and Change"; the song plays briefly before Riley is attacked. Another cool song placement was when Victoria and Riley were under a bridge and started going at it! The song was The Dead Weather's menacing, "Rolling in on a Burning Tire". Gotta love Jack White's voice(White Stripes)!
The score was written by Howard Shore (also did the LOTR Trilogy) which had it's moments, but I still like the lush and romantic "New Moon Score" by Alexandre Desplat.Bella's theme ("Compromise")is heard throughout and in which Shore collaborated with the band Metric. Their entry, "Eclipse (All Yours)" is also in the soundtrack as it plays in the end credits. "Jacob's Theme" is also heard in different variations whenever he appears on screen (ex: "Wolf Scent", "First Kiss", "As Easy As Breathing"). Yeah, I still liked the "New Moon Score" much better.
Anyways, that's my take on "Eclipse". I'm not so sure I will see "Breaking Dawn" (book 4) when it comes out in theatres. I really hated that book. Summit is pulling a Deathly Hallows and doing BD as a 2-parter. Man, I feel kind of bad for the actors because they will have to do this until 2012. Sorry, but Edward's character definitely doesn't look like he's supposed to be 17! RPattz is already 24! Yikes!
Coming up...lunch with Astroboi at one of my fave places...
