Superman made an audio CD for me and Lotus the other day. We all met for lunch at the Gaslamp Quarter and had the Indian buffet at Monsoon on 4th ($13.95---fk!!! This used to be only $9.95!) I've been there a few times before and yesterday was the worst service! We could have done a "dine and dash" and they would not have noticed, known, or cared...
It was an episode of Howard Stern where one of the guys (CORRECTION - it was Richard not Randy) get a full on Brazilian wax. I'll just say this...if I were a dude, I'd be grabbing my private area and curling up into a ball! That was the funniest shit I ever heard but oh my GOD!!! Ouch! I was laughing and cringing!!!
I heard it on CD only and it sounded as painful as it must have felt for that guy!!! I was laughing so hard in the car on the way home from lunch. I must have looked like a fool on the freeway! Because we got out so late from lunch, I went straight to TC's school and parked the car on the street. I was listening to the part where the guy was screaming his head off because his nutsack was being stretched out and the hairs were being yanked off. Then I realized, "Hey, people can probably hear this" since I had the radio cranked up from being on the freeway.
All these moms and grandmas passing by my car with the open window must have heard the unearthly sounds emanating from the car. I turned it down and listened for a few more minutes before picking up my daughter. And no, I did NOT resume the CD once she was in the car. I had to listen to the rest this morning doing errands after dropping her off at school.
By the way, I learned a new word from that episode...Apparently "TAINT" is slang for the perineal area (the area between the scrot and the anus - for a man; for a woman - the area between the vagina and anus). I'd never heard it before and I actually called up Superman to find out what it meant. I thought the "taint" was a reference to the anus, (which by the way, this guy's "taint" was fully waxed there too), but alas it did not.
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12 comments:
"tuppie" was what we kids used to refer to perinium as.. imagine getting that area pierced...
what the hell am i talking about???!!
imagine getting that area cut with a pair of surgical scissors as your child squirms out into the world...
mulysa and hotfudge,
there are cd copies out there for you too. lotus has got them. i find it the most captivating and informative thing I've listened to in quite awhile. when you find something this good, it's your duty to spread the word as much as possible!
plus i should be getting a dvd of the whole incident. THAT'S RIGHT!!! remember the saying "radio is theatre of the mind (or the imagination, i forget." well, imagine no more. you too can watch it in high def video!!!
superman,
actually, i would WANT to see the dvd of that episode!!! i gotta see what this dude looks like!
bert is next to listen to the cd!!!
by the way, i did have that "area" cut when TC was born. it's called an "episiotomy". it hurt like an MF!!! so, mulysa, did you get the episiotomy done 4 times?
well. that's an interesting story. let me freak you out. i saw my sis get one done, and it seemed very unnecessary. i talked to my doc about it and he said he didn't give episiotomies because during labor that area isn't necessarily the area that is being stressed, but doctors will do it anyway "just in case". he said that often women will tear in other places even with the cut, so that's why he didn't do it.
i had a c-secion with #1, and with #2, they had to use a vacuum to pull him out, and his head was so big, i tore one the side of my vagina (omg! she said the 'v' word11) going inside. now THAT hurt. 3 inches torn, 17 stiches. the 2 girls weren't a problem...
nah, my tuppie's totally intact and stitchless, i'm happy to say...
egads... i'm almost tempted to grab my bottom lip and pull it over my head.
well, here's a question: are female doctors less likely to give an episiotomy than male doctors? If I was a chick and say I had abnormal bleeding down there, I'd rather have a female doctor, cuz she would be in a better position to empathize with me. I think male doctors would go, "you're bleeding down there. oh, that's bad." The females would go, "well, let's put a stop to it NOW."
You gals are bold, bold, bold talking about this kind of stuff over the World Wide Web!
hotfudge, it's heartwarming that you consider both thane and myself as 'gals'. to us, it means we're part of the club.
Ha, ha, ha. Only if you guys have had a Brazilian Wax in that area.
I meant Canine & Mulysa.
no brazilian for me thank you very much...don't wear bathing suits or skimpy outfits that would reveal the pubic region. plus i'm a wimp when it comes to pain.
supe, to answer your question, the doctor who attended to me during TC's birth was a female.
i didn't ask for an episiotomy, she just gave me one. and i felt every fkn' snip of those scissors!!! the epidural they gave me was pretty much worn off by then and i could feel everything...aaaagh...my crotch region just clenches instinctively upon recalling the event...don't know if it was necessary but i know i had some stitches and it hurt like the worst MF ever!!! when you're on you're back trying to push out a 6 pound baby, you're not going to scream "stop! don't cut me there!". in my case, i just wanted it over with!!!! aaaagh!
OK, I started listening to the CD yesterday on my way to picking up my mom. I got to the part where she was prepping the guy's area when I arrived at my mom's house. My mom laughed and laughed when she heard the rest. --I'm joking of course, it would have been too weird for me to listen to it with my mom, so I turned it off yesterday.
However, this morning, I continued listening to it on my commute to work. I swear, people must have thought something was wrong with me if they saw my face while driving. I couldn't stop CRINGING and laughing. POOR, POOR, DUMB-ASS BASTARD. Excrutiating to hear the screams. Wow.
I don't know what is worst... my own visual interpretation of the waxing or actually seeing it when that dvd gets around.
c'mon supe, get the dvd already!!!
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